Faith is tough.  Faith is something I struggle with.

Really, I believe there is only one application of faith.  Having faith that things will be ok.  Things will work out.

It’s interesting to see how different root beliefs will filter their way through to behavior.  I had a friend who was very controlling and manipulative.  She was two-face, and always had to take control of a situation and make things turn out exactly how she wanted them to.  One day we were talking about things we struggle with, and she mentioned that she knew she was controlling, but she couldn’t help it.

I asked her: Do you believe in God?  The question really threw her off balance.  She started saying that she was raised Christian, and while she didn’t take religion too seriously, she was pretty sure she believed in God.  I told her that her controlling behavior could be a byproduct of not believing in God - that when someone believes in God, they have faith that things will work out on their own.  But without a belief in God, things don’t work out on their own unless you control the situation and make them work out for you.

She looked at me in shock, then walked away.  (Telepathy, anyone?).

Without faith, we become controlling, or feel victimized.  With faith, we allow things to happen naturally, and we get through tough times knowing that everything will work out.  Faith is good.

I believe that modern religion has hijacked this idea of faith to include other things.  When someone doubts the Christian God, they are told to have more faith.  Faith shouldn’t be used to remove doubt about a subject.  If I start to doubt the existence of gravity, a scientist doesn’t tell me to have more faith.  If I doubt that President Bush is doing a good job, it’s not because I don’t have enough faith.  If you doubt something about Christianity, then explore the doubt.  Don’t bury it out of fear of not being “faithful”.

Faith in the future though… faith that things will work out and be ok.  That’s where the value is.  It stomps out fear and worry in a heartbeat.  It removes the desire to control everything.  It tells us that things happen for a reason.  It allows us to let go and move with time, instead of against it.

“We just had a near life experience.”

You’ll have to forgive me.

I was lying in bed, about to fall asleep, when suddenly a bolt of lightning struck me.

My subconscious made a comment to me. A very calm and seemingly innocent comment. Perhaps I’m just insane :-). That’s a much more comforting explanation at this point, it seems :-).

My subconscious revealed the metaphor guiding me these past months. And now I can come to no other conclusion than this reality is a form of dream. This idea is so overplayed in religion that it leaves a bad taste on my mouth to say it, but now I’ve seen it with my eyes… so I have no other choice but to admit it’s true.

Ok whoa whoa whoa. Hehehe. I am insane :-). Or maybe I just mind-fucked myself. I don’t know.

There is a deeper meaning behind our personal realities. Everything does happen for a reason.

Look… I don’t want to go into the realization I made, because it’s pretty personal, and I don’t feel like spilling my heart all over the internet for everyone to see :-P. I mean, I like you guys and everything, but not that much :-P. But I can break it down from another perspective that is understandable, now that I have some hindsight.

When I say that “reality is a form of dream”, what I’m talking about is how dreams have deeper meaning when looked at from a metaphorical perspective. So does this reality.

It’s very interesting to analyze your own dreams and see how things manifest. For example, dreaming of taking a shit can represent unloading emotional waste that’s built up inside of yourself, and be a sign of growth and psychological cleansing. So in real life, perhaps you are dealing with old problems that you feel need to be taken care of for you to move on, and tying up loose ends. As a result, one night you dream of taking a massive shit in a bathroom. You wake up thinking, “Now where did that come from? Very bizarre!” But there is an underlying meaning. It’s a metaphor.

So, what I’m saying is that this reality also has this same exact sort of deeper meaning. What we manifest in this reality is a reflection of who we are and what we are dealing with - just like in dreams. It’s a metaphor. This is what intention manifestation tries to talk about (but fails, I believe).

What I’m saying is that this reality uses the exact same metaphor function that dreams use. The exact same function. This is why this reality is a form of dream. This is also why intention manifestation actually produces results. It hijacks and focuses this metaphorical function of reality to produce an outcome.

I don’t know if I’m explaining this correctly or not. Maybe I’m not giving enough examples. Let me try again.

If you’re walking outside, what do you do if it suddenly starts to rain? Do you run for shelter? Do you pause and enjoy the sprinkles? Depending on your personal reality, this reaction means different things. If you run for shelter, perhaps you do this because you feel you need to run from your problems. Other problems you experience in life, you run from. Do you curse the weather? This might mean you feel you’re being treated unjustly by “God”. The weather could represent a system that is out of man’s control, and therefore only under the control of “God”. If it rains on you, you feel that “God” is unjustly making your life miserable, so you curse the rain. It’s a metaphor. Do you see how this is the same function as dreaming as well?

It’s all connected. All the ideas in your head, all the beliefs you hold, all the emotions you feel, all the experiences you have in this reality… it’s all connected.

I’m not saying that if you run from the rain, that you run from your problems. It depends on who you are as a person. Just like your dreams… if you dream about being in the bathroom, it might represent a time period where you need to do some psychological cleansing. But if you are a janitor for a living, then the idea of being in a bathroom would have a completely different meaning to you, since you probably clean a lot of bathrooms for a living. Perhaps it means it’s time to clean up someone else’s mess?

Ok… so anyways. The important part about this is that reality does this. The experiences you’ve had in your life have meaning. They happened for a reason. Think of it like a dream. What is the metaphor? What does it emotionally mean to you? Decode it like you would decode waking up from a bizarre dream.

Now I really do need to get to sleep. This realization has interrupted me :-P. I’ll probably read this in the morning and face-palm :-P.

I’ve read this book twice in the past month: As a Man Thinketh, by James Allen, published in 1902.

It’s a short book - the version I have is 52 pages long. But it’s a great read. Here are some quotes:

As the plant springs from, and could not be without, the seed, so every act of a man springs from the hidden seeds of thought, and could not have appeared without them. This applies equally to those acts called “spontaneous” and “unpremeditated” as to those which are deliberately executed.

…

A man does not come to the almshouse or the jail by the tyranny of fate or circumstance, but by the pathway of groveling thoughts and base desires. Nor does a pure-minded man fall suddenly into crime by stress of any mere external force; the criminal thought had long been secretly fostered in the heart, and the hour of opportunity revealed its gathered power. Circumstance does not make the man; it reveals him to himself.

…

Men are anxious to improve their circumstances, but are unwilling to improve themselves; they therefore remain bound. The man who does not shrink from self-crucifixion can never fail to accomplish the object upon which his heart is set.

…

A man only begins to be a man when he ceases to whine and revile, and commences to search for the hidden justice which regulates his life. And as he adapts his mind to that regulating factor, he ceases to accuse others as the cause of his condition, and builds himself up in strong and noble thoughts; ceases to kick against circumstances, but begins to use them as aids to his more rapid progress, and as a means of discovering the hidden powers and possibilities within himself.

…

The universe does not favor the greedy, the dishonest, the vicious, although on the mere surface it may sometimes appear to do so; it helps the honest, the magnanimous, the virtuous. All the great Teachers of the ages have declared this in varying forms, and to prove and know it a man has but to persist in making himself more and more virtuous by lifting up his thoughts.

…

Tempest-tossed souls, wherever ye may be, under whatsoever conditions ye may live, know this - in the ocean of life the isles of Blessedness are smiling, and the sunny shore of your ideal awaits your coming. Keep you hand firmly upon the helm of thought. In the bark of your soul reclines the commanding Master; He does but sleep; wake Him. Self-control is strength; Right Thought is mastery; Calmness is power. Say unto your heart, “Peace, be still!”

The entire book is like that. I like it!

I’m not Christian, but that doesn’t mean I reject the entire bible. Galatians 6:7 is a keeper.

My mom’s ex-husband (my ex-step-dad) was diagnosed with cancer of the pancreas and liver. The doctors told him he has about 2 months to live without treatment, or 3 months to live with treatment. He chose treatment.

He has two daughters, and they live out of state. They flew into state to visit him, but while in state decided that they would rather hang out with their friends who they haven’t seen in a while. They didn’t have time to see him.

Now that is sad. I don’t know how you cut it up, but that is just plain old sad.

I feel bad for my ex-step-dad. But I can’t deny that he’s reaping what he sowed. I still feel bad though.

I suppose his time has come. He’s lived a dishonest life. And now he leaves this world prematurely with broken relationships. It’s such a simple lesson, but it’s so powerful.

I try to do what’s right. I try to be honest, I try not to steal, or cheat. I’m not perfect, but I make a conscious effort to do what’s right in difficult situations. A lot of times it’s hard to tell if doing what’s right is actually a good decision. If everyone around you is doing what’s wrong, and you can’t see any immediate downside… then it’s tough. But man - let me tell you - doing what’s right is right for a reason. You reap what you sow. I see it clearly now.

I’ve only seen people reap extremely negative things a half-dozen times in my life. Reality is very forgiving. But if you keep making bad decisions, relying on Reality’s forgiveness for your existence… you will be in a world of hurt when Reality says enough is enough. My ex-step-dad lied to everyone he knew his entire life. He cheated on his multiple wives. He managed to borrow time from Reality for quite a while… but now Reality is cashing in.

It is sad. But what’s sad is that the only way for him to learn was to bring it to this extreme. If Reality has forgivin you, I highly recommend taking the easy lesson, before Reality decides to bitch-slap the lesson into your skull.

I’ve been posting a lot lately, because the comments from the previous posts engage my mind :-). If you haven’t visited the blog in a few days, be sure to check out the previous posts. I’m moving somewhat fast.

Why do we love this idea of randomness? Why are we attached to it?

I was sitting and thinking about this question, and the solution popped into my head. In hindsight, it’s actually pretty obvious, and it’s spelled out very clearly in the movie “The Secret” (which I’ve seen a few times, Joe :-P). The way the solution popped into my head is pretty funny though… I was getting bored with the question of why people love randomness (because I couldn’t answer it), so I decided to start an entirely new and unrelated line of questioning. I asked myself what my most offensive belief was. I answered that karma and cause and effect is a pretty offensive belief. Then the solution to my previous question about randomness hit me.

The reason we love this idea of randomness is because we use it 99% of the time when something bad happens.

One of the biggest problems in all religions is answering the question of: why do bad things happen to good people? This is a very hard question. Small bad things can be reasoned away, but then you see extremely bad things, like child molestation, rape, or natural disasters that kill millions of people… and in religion, people are forced to ask themselves: if God is a good God, then why would he allow this to happen? Big problem for religion.

What do we do? I believe that while we all have our own religious beliefs, and we all will answer why bad things happen to good people differently - I believe that in our hearts, most of us will rely on this idea of randomness. Some of the really bad things in this world don’t have a good explanation, no matter how much faith we have. So at some point, in our conscious or subconscious mind, we latch onto the idea that sometimes random shit happens.

But now look at what we’ve done. We’ve attached the idea that randomness exists to the most emotionally charged experiences we can think of. That means we really need this idea of randomness. If randomness were to leave the picture, then we would have to deal with all these highly emotional issues again. Our subconscious mind does not want this.

For example, when I was a little kid, my aunt died from cancer. I think she was in her 30’s. I must have been 8 years old, and at such a young age, I had to deal with this extremely emotional situation. I barely understand death as it is, and now my aunt is gone. I ask my parents why she died, but they can’t give a solid explanation. Maybe I hear that it was “her time”, and that “God decided to take her”. Those are great ideas… but what sinks into the subconscious mind? What is the belief I form in my heart?

Probably that random shit happens. Now I’m 24, and I’m challenging this belief. Which means I have to re-live my aunt’s death, and try to make sense of it again. I also have to re-live everything else where I’ve used randomness as the explanation. Talk about exhausting!

I think we all latch onto this idea of randomness because we’ve all had bad experiences. No one lives a perfect life. Everyone has family members who have died, or friends, or teachers. My 6th grade teacher died when I was 13 years old - he was a volunteer firefighter, and was responding to a call, and a tree fell on his car with him in it. How do I explain that to myself? It seems the only way I can live in peace is to use this idea of randomness.

If you don’t like my theories on randomness, or even if you do, I submit to you an exercise: ask yourself, “What would it mean, emotionally, if randomness didn’t exist?” - you can start by finishing this sentence: “If randomness didn’t exist, then _______”. Don’t give a one sentence answer either :-P. Chances are that blank should be a few pages long. (No need to post your response in the comments :-P).

This is a continuation of ideas from my last post on randomness…

Let’s assume you look at someone winning the lottery twice, and you have the same reaction that I do: there’s no way our current model correctly predicts it happening. Now I notice a lot of people in the previous post don’t have that reaction :-P. I’ll attempt to address people’s complaints, but also move along at the same time.

There are a few problems that spring up if we say that randomness doesn’t exist. The idea of randomness is essential to the field of probability and statistics. It’s also essential to Quantum Physics, where matter phases out into a “probability-cloud” that acts as a wave-form when not being observed. Mad Hatter made the observation that if randomness doesn’t exist, then reality is deterministic - and we have no free will.

There is a solution to these problems though. What if, where we perceive randomness, what actually exists is a conscious choice?

Probability and statistics are still useful. They just model choice instead of random behavior. Quantum Physics is still correct - but it just means that when matter phases out of existence, it just hasn’t chosen where to exist yet. And free will still exists, because everything is now free will!

So my current understanding is that, where we perceive randomness, what we’re really perceiving is a choice that we don’t understand completely.

Think of a hypothetical situation: imagine that I’m paralyzed, and all I can control is my blinking. Now imagine that you come to see me, and you are absolutely convinced that I’m a machine. You believe you are looking at a complicated clock. Perhaps I try to communicate with you by blinking letters of the alphabet… maybe using morse code. I painstakingly spell out “Hey Jimmy, how’s the wife and kids?” What do you perceive?

You will see me blinking, but you’ll think it’s just random movement. You can watch my blinking, and figure out the “probability” that I’ll blink or not. You might declare that “This machine has a 0.476 chance of blinking at any given second” - and that might true. But because of your belief that my blinking is inherently random, you miss the message.

A strange analogy… but that’s what I think is happening. We witness seemingly random events, and sure - we can calculate the odds of that event happening, and we can study it, and analyze it, and make great models. But so long as we believe that the event itself is inherently random - we are stuck. If randomness exists, then that means events are meaningless.

If we replace the idea of randomness with conscious choice, then everything has meaning. Things fall into place.

Perhaps you disagree with me :-P. Or perhaps you think it’s interesting, but haven’t made up your mind. Either way, that’s fine. This is only my current understanding - there’s a good chance the more I think about it, the more this will change as well :-P.

“God does not play dice with the universe.” - Albert Einstein

I will explain my ideas on why I believe randomness doesn’t truly exist. I believe I can win the lottery using these ideas.

The first thing to understand is what society’s current beliefs are about randomness.

One of the first things you might think about, is that when you play video games on your computer, there is obviously some random stuff going on. Sometimes an enemy turns left, sometimes he turns right - completely random. You might even know some things about programming, and know of functions to call when you want a random number.

All these random numbers on computers aren’t truly random though - they are pseudo-random numbers. What that means is that usually some number is taken from the outside world - for example, the time it takes you to click on the “New Game” button in milliseconds - or the time of day you run the program in milliseconds - and that number is treated as the “seed”. From this seed number, the computer can generate a sequence of numbers that appear to be random. All it does is perform some math on the seed number, and spit out the result for you. Then change the seed number (according to a formula), so the next time you want a random number, it has a new result.

You don’t have to understand the exact formulas. If you’re curious you can do some more research on pseudo-random numbers, and random number generation. It’s a large field in computer science. The important part to understand is that these “random” numbers on computers aren’t actually random. They are calculated from some seed, based on formulas. Not random.

So randomness doesn’t exist on a computer. But surely randomness exists in reality?! You might argue, for example, what about flipping a coin? What about rolling dice? These events are truly random.

Well, on the surface they sure do seem like it. After all - how many of us can predict 100 dice rolls in a row? No one. So it does seem like that is a random system. However, there is a problem.

The problem comes in when we research how many people have won the lottery twice. Google, Video, Couple, Family, PA, NY Deli, etc, etc…

Now of course there are skeptics on the issue, claiming that with so many people playing, surely there will be some people who win twice. For those with some common sense, reading the skeptic side of things is actually pretty hilarious - they claim: “the odds of someone winning the lottery twice to be something like 1 in 30 for a four month period and better than even odds over a seven year period. Why? Because players don’t buy one ticket for each of two lotteries, they buy multiple tickets every week” - wow. Then how come everyone doesn’t win twice? All they have to do is play 40 times ;-). An absolutely ridiculous article, especially for those that understand statistics and probability at a high-school level.

The truth is that our current understanding of reality can NOT explain how people win the lottery twice.

So, we have to do what’s right. We have to be honest with ourselves. Probability and statistics are models for reality. The models work pretty good most of the time, but when we look at people who win the lottery twice, we notice that our model is incorrect. If our model is mostly correct, but has some incorrect moments, then what do we do? Modify the model. Clearly our model isn’t completely accurate. So we modify it. We DO NOT spatter off nonsense to try and convince ourselves that our model must be correct, and that reality is just being rude for not following our laws. We take an honest and humble look at it and say: Well gee, we’re a little bit off, how can we make a more accurate model?

Think about it. Study probability and statistics a little bit. Try to digest the odds of someone winning twice. In this article we’re told the odds are 419 million to one. That would mean the winner would have to play the lottery every minute - for 796 years - to accomplish this using our current model. Now you see how impossible this really is with our current model.

Think about it. I’ll post more on it later.

I got into a discussion with a co-worker.  He claimed that people like the Virginia Tech student who went on a rampage just need God in their life, and things like that wouldn’t happen.

Now, sure - I could go into reasons on why I disagree with the idea.  Eh.   Who cares why I disagree anyways?

I had a realization at the moment I started to disagree with my co-worker.  I saw how my mind had reacted.  If you see your own thoughts, who are you?  Are you your thoughts?  Or are you the one whose seeing the thoughts?

The realization I had was a pretty simple one, I suppose.  But the realization was this: no one knows what another person needs.  I don’t know what you need.  I could make some guesses… but I don’t know.  Likewise, you don’t know what I truly need.  Nor do any of us truly know what Seung-Hui Cho needed.

I think we might fall into a little trap… we think to ourselves, “Boy, the fact that I do <something> has really helped me in my life.  If everyone did it, then they would all benefit the same way I have.”  This line of reasoning is false.  Perhaps the very thing that has helped you greatly could harm someone else.  Every person and situation is unique, and no one can truly know what someone else needs.  We can make guesses - even very informed intelligent guesses - but they are still just guesses.

Perhaps I’m too philosophical for my own good :-P.

Well, I woke up this morning to my mom calling me, telling me my cousin died last night.  Apparently there was a fire in the middle of the night, and he couldn’t get out in time.

Death is such a weird thing.  We can sit around and think about it, and think of all these wonderful philosophies and explanations, and study all these different religions, and try to prepare ourselves for the inevitable.  But it seems nothing ever captures it.

When someone we know dies, it just bitch-slaps all that philosophy right in the face.

I think the truth is that no one can know the truth about death, until we experience death.  And since no one can experience death for us, it turns out to be a pretty scary idea.

I think I would prefer that death stay this way.  An insolvable mystery, that every one of us is forced to deal with.  I’m not sure we have a choice in the matter :-P.

I do know one thing: someday in the future, I’ll become brave enough to create philosophies about death.  Then death will strike, and remind me who is the host, and who is the guest.