So anyways… I got one number correct on the big drawing last Friday.  There were four jackpot winners, who had to split the $330 million dollar prize money.  Pretty good chunk of change right there.

I notice that every time someone wins the jackpot, and it isn’t me, that I get really pissed off :-P.  Usually for about a week.  I don’t mind when nobody wins, because then I can just try again in a few days… but when someone wins, I can’t help but think that they did it correctly, and I didn’t.  So that bugs me.

I’m continuing with my strategy of doing intention manifestation every day, for a set amount of time, and increase the duration by a minute each day.  Today I’m at 10 minutes… tomorrow 11, etc.

I started the lottery project in March, and it’s now September.  I’m at $1 profit.  I’ve destroyed the odds, and I should be in the hole quite a bit of money according to modern statistics.  For example, my dad started in April, and is at -$109 (though he does play a different lottery than I do).  Either way… my results prove that modern statistics is flawed on some level… but I’ve yet to take advantage of it’s flaws to win the jackpot.  (Maybe I shouldn’t use the word “prove”, because people get anal about that.  Oh well, bite me :-P.)

I have no choice but to keep going.  Part of me wishes I would just give up on it, and start focusing on other weird things (OBEs, PK, LDs…), so I would have more to write about :-).  But I can’t.  I know I can win.  It’s just that simple.

Reality, reality.

You know, when I finally do hit the jackpot, it still won’t answer any of my questions :-P.  By that I mean: I’ll be just as clueless as to how I did it as anyone else will be.  I find that funny :-).

I can’t help but think that intention manifestation is also incorrect.  When I think about “The Secret“, my gut tells me there’s a lot of bullshit there.  But I also can’t argue with results… I’ve used intention manifestation techniques to do some weird shit that blew me away.  Hm.

What happens?  A truth is revealed, and then everyone jumps all over it, putting their own spin on it, promoting it as their truth.  Over time it becomes distorted, and the original truth fades out.  I fear that’s what’s happening with intention manifestation.  Too many people thinking about it :-P.  Too many people forming ideas, and not enough raw perception.  I’m guilty as well.

It’s funny how if you think about things a lot, and I mean really think… deep thought, focused, logical thinking… and you really stick to it, and draw wonderful conclusions, and come up with really beautiful and elegant ideas… that eventually you conclude that you think too much.  But you need to think too much to reach that conclusion.

*blinks*

I think about the nature of choice and free will quite a bit.

I already know that free will exists. Philosophy majors can bite me :-P. Free will exists because I see myself using it all the time. I’m not going to get into a debate about determinism.

But how do we make decisions? What is a decision? Can we break it down to a chemical reaction in our brains? Or a specific electric current flowing through the neurons in our noggins? I believe we could find some things in my head that relate to my decisions, but I don’t think that’s the starting point of the decision. The chemical reactions are simply side effects.

The only possibility I see is that decisions originate from the quantum world. “Spritual” or whatever. I don’t see any other option (of course, just because I don’t see it doesn’t mean another option doesn’t exist :-P).

Then I think: I think way too much! Does this even matter? I make decisions all the time. I don’t need to know how it functions to use it. Here it is… some mysterious decision making process. Now what will I do with it?

Well, I want to win the lottery, and I believe that I can choose to win. So how am I going to do that. Hmm.

My brain tells me there are two angles for attack: 1. perceive the winning numbers (ESP), or 2. affect the drawing (Micro-PK).  However, my intuition says that there is a third option… and my intuition tells me that this third option is related to intention manifestation.

Let’s explore the intuition some more…

Don’t worry so much! :-)  Yes, intention manifestation is the starting point.  The brain fails you in this situation because ESP and Micro-PK are dependent on the idea that the observer is separate from the observed.  Intention manifestation is more correct because it uses the truth that we are all in the same pool of reality, interconnected.  Even if you don’t want to accept that, then look at the facts.  Remember that intention manifestation actually produced results in the past - ESP and Micro-PK didn’t come close.  Now, the intention manifestation model isn’t perfect… you’ve already torn it apart in previous posts.  But it is useful at this stage, and a step forward.  My recommendation is to start intending again.  Forget about all the theories, explanations, and thought-junk; Just Do It.

I’ve learned how to make a training regiment and stick to it.  I’ve proven this with my physical training.  Perhaps it’s time to start exercising my ability to manifest as well.

Start low, increase slowly.  I’ll start today, intending to win the MegaMillions Jackpot, visualizing myself having the winning ticket.  I’ll focus on this for one minute without interruption.  And I’ll increase it by a minute every day.  By the end of September, I’ll be intending for over 30 minutes.

Sounds like a plan :-).

I’ve been struggling with this idea of “deserving to win the lottery” for a little while now, and I’ve finally found the solution. First, let me describe my original conflict.

With intention manifestation, some say it’s important to feel as though you deserve whatever it is you’re trying to manifest. My problem with this idea is that to feel as though you deserve something is really asking for trouble. It’s being rude to reality. It’s my belief that reality will determine what you deserve, using precise and exact judgment. If you feel as though you deserve something, and reality disagrees, then you’re setting yourself up for disappointment and suffering.

So my solution to that was to never feel as though I deserved anything. I hated seeing people do nothing and feel as though they deserve something. It’s rude. If you want something, then go after it. Work hard for it, and attain it. It seemed as though this feeling of “deserving” would get in the way. Whenever I think of it, I envision a bad employee who always complains about how they deserve a raise, or deserve longer breaks, or more benefits. Quit complaining, and go get it! Stop wallowing, stop feeling as though you deserve something you haven’t earned, and get off your ass and do something about it!

Anyways…

Those were my old thoughts. I still like most of them, but I’ve altered them slightly now that I’ve found a solution.

I now agree that it’s important to feel as though you deserve whatever you’re intending to manifest. And my negativity associated with “deserving” has been removed. Let me explain my new thoughts… (sorry if this turns out to be a little long-winded):

I live in Maryland, and went on vacation in Georgia, where my family lives. We went to see an Atlanta Braves baseball game, and I couldn’t help but notice all the attractive females walking around :-). One thing I really miss about Georgia is all the smoking hot females. Of all the places I’ve lived, Georgia definitely has the most beautiful women.

I was also admiring the skill of the baseball players. I was thinking about how hard they worked to achieve their goal of playing in the majors. How much training and hard work they must have gone through, just to perform gracefully and correctly.

With that in mind, I tried to imagine a world where every person lived up to their potential. Where every single person found their dream job, and worked hard to achieve their goals. Where every person exercised, ate healthy, and was beautiful. I tried to imagine what that world would be like. Would it be better than our world? What would it be like if every last person on the planet was successful to their highest potential?

My mind started to create this world, so I could see how it would function. First I envisioned a baseball pitcher becoming the best he could… throwing the fastest and most precise pitches. Then I thought how this perfect pitcher would strike everyone out… But then I remembered - the batter would also live up to his highest potential. Each player would be the perfect batter, and could hit any pitch exactly where they wanted. I saw that baseball would still exist in this perfect world, because competition would still be valid. Perfect players playing against perfect players still produces a great game.

Then I started to think about perfect females. Then I envisioned myself living up to my potential. Healthy, strong, smart, fun, compassionate, etc. Everything maxed out. While looking out over the crowd of fans, I envision every man and women in the stands as living up to their potential. I imagined all of us had achieved all our goals, and were living healthy and happy lives.

After playing this out in my head for a while, I realized that it would be a pretty kick ass place to live in. Everyone would be happy, and there would be very little problems in the world. We would all be rich. We would all support each other. It would be really great.

This was when I realized the real meaning of the word “deserve”. I realized that we all deserve to live in a world like that. I deserve to live up to my highest potential. But you, the reader, also deserve me to live up to my highest potential. And I deserve you to live up to yours. And you deserve it as well.

I realized that I actually deserve to win the lottery. But so does anyone else who also sets that as a goal. It’s not really about earning it… it’s more about realizing that the world could be like my day dream. It’s possible for all of us to live in a world where each person has lived up to their potential. We all need to work for it. You deserve to accomplish your goals because they are your goals! And I deserve to have a reader who has accomplished their goals! So don’t let me down :-P.

Maybe I’m not explaining it correctly. My old thought pattern was that you get what you deserve. Reality determines what you deserve. So don’t complain about what you’re looking at, because reality has served it to you. If you think you deserve something else, then work for it.

My new thought pattern is that it’s possible for us to live in a world where everyone has lived up to their potential. And we deserve to simply because it’s possible. We shouldn’t settle for any less. We can create a perfect world, so we must. Anything less wouldn’t be fair. From this root, I see that I deserve to win the lottery, simply because it’s my goal, and I deserve to accomplish my goals. It’s on my path towards living up to my potential. And you deserve a webmaster who has lived up to his potential! So I won’t let you down :-).

It’s an interesting idea for me, because I’m not used to thinking like this. I’m sure many of you out there have realized what I’ve written in your own unique ways. But I’m glad that I’ve finally realized it for myself :-). Step 1. Randomness doesn’t exist. Step 2. I deserve to live up to my potential. Step 3….?

(Also: After finishing this post, I just checked my most recent lottery ticket. I won $2. Odds 1 in 75. I haven’t won money from MegaMillions since I realized that randomness doesn’t exist :-P. I think I’m on the right track.)

So what are my lottery results thus far?

I started the lottery project in March.  It’s now August.  I’ve played 40 MegaMillion tickets, and a bunch of scratch off tickets.  Of the $40 spent on MegaMillions, I’ve won $10 (from my 4th and 5th ticket purchased).  All others have been losers.  I’ve spent $77 on scratch off tickets, and won $113.  If you do the math, that means my entire project is showing a profit of $6.  At it’s peak, it was boasting around a $70 profit… but that has slowly dwindled down.

My interest in the project wavers in and out - just like any project that takes prolonged effort.  I’m glad I made the rule to stop playing when the jackpot is under $45 million.  This allows me to take some time off and think about other things, and then approach it with new effort when it’s in my range.

My biggest winnings have come from the scratch off tickets.  I think the reason for this is because it’s simply easier :-P.  The ticket is already winning before I purchase it, and I can hone in on winning tickets.  MegaMillions is an entirely different game.  I must either predict the correct numbers, or force my numbers to come up.  I perceive this as a harder game.  Whether or not the game itself is objectively “harder” is unknown… all I know is that from my perspective, it is harder.

It might make sense to play more scratch off tickets, since that’s where I have more “luck”.  That’s just not what I want to do though.  Scratch offs don’t pay as much, and they are harder to measure from a mathematical standpoint.  They also toy with your emotion :-P.  Of course, maybe that’s a good thing..?

Which brings me to the most important observation: I have no clue what direction to move in.  Intention manifestation had the most results with the scratch off, but it didn’t really help with MegaMillions.  The only winnings I had in MegaMillions happened the two drawings after I came to the realization that randomness doesn’t exist.  So maybe I should attempt to have more realizations?  I try, but either my new realizations aren’t correct, or don’t help :-P.  I haven’t won :-P.

I don’t know how to gauge my progress.  I don’t know how to tell whether I’m not I’m moving in the correct direction.  For example - if your goal is to learn to play guitar, then it’s pretty easy to gauge your progress.  Listen to yourself play - do your fingers move faster?  Does it sound nicer?  Then you’re doing good.  However, with the lottery, it’s a little more tricky.  The only gauge I have is whether I win or not.  If I don’t win, then I can’t tell if what I did the few days before actually helped or not.  Maybe I’m moving in the correct direction, but I’m not winning because I haven’t moved far enough along?  Or maybe I’m way off base have to turn around?  I simply don’t know.

Or maybe I’m completely wrong, randomness does exist, and I’m doing all this for nothing :-|.  Naaa!

I’m going to keep trying.  It’s such a small investment that it would be silly to quit.  I literally pay for my tickets using a bucket of spare change.  So it’s not like I’m going broke over it :-P.

I like the project because it’s challenging.  It’s a good goal, and it’s forcing me to move in all directions to find a solution.  I’m not sure if a solution actually exists… but I’m learning a lot along the way, and I have nothing better to do… so no harm done.  And it’s fun.  I’ve become a better person in the process as well - I’ve been exercising regularly, I’ve learned how to compose music, and I try to have patience with my roommate’s cats :-).  It might seem unrelated on the surface, but when I say I’m moving in “all directions”, I mean it :-P.

I haven’t won the jackpot yet, though.  If a solution does exist, then I will find it.

There is a deeper meaning connecting all of our life events together. Everything in our lives happens for a reason, and that reason is tied directly with our core being.

Now… I understand that when I start talking about “deep meaning”, that it sounds sort of spiritual and mystical… but please realize that I’ve come to this conclusion based on what I’ve seen. It’s the only logical conclusion I can come to based on the evidence I’ve been presented with. This isn’t a spiritual realization - this is an observation. Everything does have meaning.

Reality is just like a dream. When we dream, all these symbols and archetypes mesh together to form a strange experience. We wake up, and we might brush it away… or we might look for the deeper meaning. If I dream about building a tree house, this could mean that I’m trying to build an emotional sanctuary to escape to, in order to get away from my problems and feel at peace. There’s meaning. Reality is just like this.

For example, in my car I have two small rubiks cubes hanging from my rear view mirror. The heat made the stickers curl and fall off - so now they are just blank cubes. The rubiks cube represents difficult - but solvable - problems in my life. The stickers falling off represents that I won’t solve these problems in a conventional sense. I will solve the problems by transcending the rules of the game. The stickers fell to the floor in my car, and made a mess. This represents that by transcending the rules, I will create a mess as a result. The stickers had been on the floor for weeks in my car, and yesterday I finally took the time to pick them up and throw them out. This represents that I have finally cleaned up the resulting mess, and everything will work out.

Now - on the surface it just looks like I had some rubiks cubes in my car, the stickers fell off, and I didn’t clean it for a while. Who cares. But when you start treating things as if they have deeper meaning, then they start to actually have deeper meaning :-P.

You may argue that it’s my mind that’s creating this deeper meaning. That reality is random, and I’m just seeing something that isn’t there. You are correct - in a sense. You are correct that my mind is creating this deeper meaning. But the mistake is thinking that reality is random.

Reality is a mirror. There is no better way to put it. In fact, I was at the book store and I read a story highlighting this exact observation. I picked up a “random” book, and started reading “random” pages, and “stumbled” upon the following story (which I will attempt to recall from memory):

A dog entered a room. He spent some time in there, and upon leaving, he was gnarling, barking, growling, and overall just filled with anger. Another dog entered the same room. Upon leaving, he was happy, wagging his tail, with a huge smile on his face. What was in the room? It was a room of mirrors. THIS IS REALITY.

Some might argue that this is no big deal. I mean… everything has meaning. That’s great and everything, but ultimately - so what? That’s nothing new. I disagree with this apathetic response.

This is a big deal. The reason it’s a big deal is because it’s true :-P. This isn’t some philosophical inquiry about how reality might function. This isn’t some pot head drunk moment of clarity. It might come to the same conclusion - but the path is very different.

This is observable - 100% of the time. This is you reading this post. This is me writing this post. This is the keyboard under my fingertips. This is the fan next to my monitor. This is my roommate’s cats. This is my car. This is my relationships. This is my mother and father. This is my bed. This is my job. This is my body. It’s a reflection of myself. I am looking at myself. And therefore, all I can see is deep meaning.

So what’s the practicality of this observation? How does this realization actually help me? How can I actually use it in real life?

Well, for one, I’m going to use it to win the lottery :-P. I may go into the “how” in another post.

Ultimately, this realization helps me become a better person. By looking around me, I see where I am. Who I am. And the small problems that spring up in my life are reflections of problems in my own mind.

For example - I went through a time period of playing chess a little while ago. I bought chess books, studied chess, and tried to improve my chess skills. Looking back, I see deep meaning associated with this. I was attracted to chess for a lot of reasons, but one of the main ones was because I felt a lot of personal responsibility for where I was in my life. Chess intrigued me because in chess - you make all your own moves. No one forces you to move anywhere. The only difference between me and a Grandmaster is how we move. It’s not like poker, where we have to play the “cards were delt”. It’s not like trivia, where our knowledge dictates our success. It’s not football, where our physical strength is what counts. In chess, it’s a simple game, where we have to combine our intuition with our calculating abilities to make simple moves that win. That resonated with me. It’s a reflection.

By studying chess, what I was really trying to do was study the laws of reality. Figure out the game. Use intuition and reason to win.

Now - how does this observation help me? Well - let’s look at chess. For one person to win, another has to lose. As with most games. If I felt a strong connection with chess, and knew that my interest in chess was a reflection of my desire to learn the laws of reality and “win”, then I can see a problem. The problem is that in reality, I don’t have to make someone else lose for me to win. Everyone can win in reality. But if I feel that I must make someone else lose in order for me to win, then that uncovers an unhealthy belief that needs to be dealt with. So - by seeing the interest I had in chess, I can quickly see that I need to inspect my beliefs about the duality of winning and losing, and figure out why I feel that I need to make others lose in order for me to win. And once I root out the problem, I will stop resonating with chess, and become uninterested in it. Which is what happened.

That doesn’t mean that you can’t play chess :-P. Chess means different things to different people, at different times in their life. When I was younger, I used to play chess a lot. I played against a computer. That probably had a completely different meaning at the time :-P.

I’ve outlined two examples in my life on how simple things have deeper meaning (rubiks cube, and chess). I’ve made these observations in dozens, if not hundreds of things in my life in the past month. I am amazed at how everything fits together seamlessly. When we see one or two connections, things become curious. But when we start to unravel the entire web of meaning, then it’s … simply amazing at how accurate of a mirror reality is.

By looking at our interests, we can predict problems that will arise in different areas of our life. Why do we resonate with something? Are there some unhealthy reasons for why we enjoy what we enjoy? How will these unhealthy beliefs filter through to other areas of our lives and create discord? If I can predict all of this, can I start to actually create a better reality by making small - and seemingly unrelated - decisions in my life? Can I win the lottery by being nice to my roommate’s cat? (or am I just insane?! :-P)

Let’s say you won a couple million.  What would you do with the money?

“Two chicks at the same time.”

Thank you Office Space.  Nonetheless, despite the cliché, it’s a good question to ask.

When I first thought about winning the lottery, I imagined myself back at the University of Georgia, learning about everything.  Music theory, engineering, brain science, math, physics, psychology, religion, astronomy, computer animation… I wouldn’t have to focus on one major, and could go at my own pace.

For my lifestyle, I imagined myself exercising every day, having a cool place to live, lots of books, lots of cool gadgets, perhaps some hottie college girlfriend.  I’d be living close to some of my friends from Georgia, and it’d be great hanging out with them, having a good time.  I’d love to travel as well… see the different cultures and landmarks around Earth.  I imagined opening a book store where people could go to hang out.  I would have different events that would be fun… group discussions, debates, guest speakers, activities, etc.

Anyways - back to the point.  The question immediately becomes: why not work towards that right now?

So lately, that’s what I’ve been doing.  I pick something off the list of “if I had a shitton of money…”, and do it.  A lot of the things on my list don’t require any money.  For example, I can study all those topics on my own.  I don’t need to pay a teacher.  In fact, when I was in college, I rarely went to class because the teachers always did such a piss poor job.  These past two weeks I’ve been studying music theory, and composing different songs.  It’s fun :-).

I also started exercising a while ago (which I mentioned in another post).  Why wait until I have a big number in my bank account to go running in the sun?

I guess it all seems really obvious though.  Especially in hindsight.  99% of the things I listed don’t even require huge sums of money.  A lot of winning the money is just a boost in confidence.  I bet I could even open a book store without a ton of money, if that’s what I really want to do.  Traveling isn’t that expensive either (right Matt?).

I mean… fuck.  We are free.  Am I looking for the courage to win the lottery, or looking for the courage to live my life how I truly want to live it?  *shrugs*

What would you do with large sums of money?

I’ve been thinking about money and value lately with the purpose of trying to uncover limiting beliefs that could be holding me back from winning the lottery.

Before I get into it, let me say one thing.  The book, The Richest Man in Babylon, by George S. Clason, is an unbelievably awesome book on money.  I highly recommend it - it’s one of my favorites that I’ve read multiple times.

So anyways… on thinking about money and business, I notice that a lot of businesses are based on lies.  And that bothers me.  Just watch some commercials.  Not skinny enough?  We can fix that.  Not getting enough sleep?  We can fix that.  Dick isn’t big enough?  We can fix that.  Clothes not cool enough?  We can fix that.  Not happy enough?  We got some pills you can take!

I mean… so many businesses are based on convincing the customer that they won’t be happy until they buy a product.  They target an insecurity and exploit it for profit.  That’s pretty fucking rude :-P.

But then I suppose I should be fair.  There are businesses that actually provide a useful service, that deserve their success.  For example, FedEx, Google, NetFlix, Amazon, etc.  They provide a service without preying on their customers.

So where is the value?  I don’t think there is any value in exploiting insecurities.  But I do think there is value in providing an honest service.

I want to say that the value of something is ultimately created in the mind.  But I can’t see it clearly just yet.  Or maybe I can…

After all, if no one was insecure about how fat they are, then diet commercials that tried to target a non-existent insecurity would be ineffective.  Should I be blaming the business, or should I be blaming the customer for having the insecurity in the first place?  Where is the value created?

It’s the customer who creates the value.  It is the mind.

A mighty general was holding and admiring one of his antique cups. Suddenly, the cup slipped from his hands and fell. Although in shock, he quickly caught the cup before it hit the ground. Somewhat breathless from this incident, he thought to himself, “I have led tens of thousands of soldiers into battle without fear. Why did a cup cause me to become so frightened?” He then realized that it was his mind of attachment and loss that caused him such fright. With this comprehension, he casually threw the cup to the ground and let it break.

I lost this round. I spent $12 on lottery tickets for Friday’s drawing, and lost.

I went to bed pissed off. But I woke up with the solution. Funny how that works..?

For those that think I’m crazy, let me reassure you: no one questions my sanity more than myself :-). Perhaps it is all just random, and I’m putting myself through this for no good reason whatsoever. That thought certainly crosses my mind. However - I can’t deny my observations. And once I start thinking about my observations, I quickly regain my confidence, and realize that I can win the jackpot if I remain persistent. I’ve made intelligent decisions up to this point, and I’m confident in my logic so far. I’m just need to keep going.

Or maybe I’m addicted to gambling? Heh, that thought is truly ridiculous for anyone who knows me. I have a very non-addictive personality, and I aggressively avoid anything that just might cause an addiction. In fact, that’s one of the main reasons I stopped playing scratch off lottery tickets. I observed my emotions moving a millimeter towards addiction, and cut it off immediately.

Anyways, here is a list of ideas that I will have to resolve:

1. There is no such thing as randomness -or- Do I have the courage to live in a world without randomness?

Now I know I’ve addressed this topic before. However, parts of my mind still rely on this idea of randomness to “patch things up” that I’m not entirely aware of. For example, on July 4th I drove home from work differently so I could get some gas. I didn’t realize that the path I had chosen would result in a shit load of traffic because people were watching fireworks. This pissed me off, and it’s possible part of myself said that my suffering was random (or: it was random that I inadvertently decided to get gas at that specific day and time, where there was excessive traffic). To be pissed is to deny the order of the universe.

I find myself making decisions based on a belief in randomness. Let me outline exactly what I mean, because this is the main reason why I lost this past drawing. Imagine a chess game :-), and I’m white. Now, as I move my chess pieces around the board, and develop a strategy, I have to try to predict what my opponent is going to do, and prepare myself for their attacks, and also counter-attack at the same time. How does my prediction process work? At some point, I might try to think of random moves my opponent would make, in order to figure out how I would respond.

I do this with reality. It’s a wonderful tool for decision making. I think to myself, “When I get out of the Air Force, I will go back to college. However, if the Air Force refuses to pay for my college (even though they said they would), then I need to have a backup plan. And if I win the lottery, then I don’t need to worry about that. But if I don’t win the lottery, and the Air Force screws me over, then what do I do? In that case, I will find a good job with my decent resume. However, this choice isn’t optimal because my resume wouldn’t include a Bachelors degree.” Now look at how many paths I’ve outlined in my head, and how those paths rely on the idea of randomness.

I have no explanation for why the Air Force would screw me over, however - it is possible and probable, so I must prepare for it (just like in the chess game). But at the same time, if nothing is random, and everything happens for a reason, then why should I prepare? Or more accurately: since the reason I prepare is because I foreshadow possible stressful situations, and I want to alleviate that imaginary stress: why should the Air Force screwing me over stress me out if nothing is truly random?

2. What I will do with the money?

I’m starting to solve this issue, but I still need some work. It’s important for me to define (in a general sense) what I plan to do with the money - and start working towards that right now. For example, a few months ago I had visualized myself in Georgia with $33 mil, exercising daily and running in the sun. But while visualizing this, in reality I was a lazy bum, and didn’t exercise at all. So, internally, the idea of winning the jackpot meant I could start exercising. However, this is an unhealthy limitation, that puts a need on winning the jackpot. Like so: I need to be healthy = I need to exercise = I need to win the lottery. Associating a need with the jackpot introduces failure. The solution to that particular problem was to start running NOW. Which is what I do. I exercise 3-4 times a week.

Even though I solved that one problem, there are more. What will I do with the money? Is there a way I can start working towards my goals NOW? Is there a way I can relieve this need to win?

3. Am I cheating?

I have this issue mostly resolved, but I have some more work to do here as well. Am I cheating by winning the lottery? In a way, yes. I am betraying the trust of those who enter the lottery. We have a preconception that this is a game of chance… if everyone knew it wasn’t a game of chance, and that it was a game of choice, would people still play? Maybe more people would play :-P. But nonetheless, the issue still exists. If there exists one person who plays because it’s a game of chance, then I am cheating that person by using conscious choice to win.

Now the obvious solution to this is to realize that I can’t be accountable for someone else’s ignorance or misunderstanding. But there’s still some negativity in this line of argument that needs to be resolved.

4. Is it moral to get something for nothing?

This is an interesting problem which needs some attention indeed. I stumbled upon the Seven Blunders of the World, by Gandhi. (Flashback: by using the word “stumbled” in the previous sentence, am I affirming a form of randomness exists?). Gandhi lists seven blunders that humans make, one of them being: wealth without work.

Now, in my head I’m clearly working hard for this win. Look how much time and energy I’ve put into it so far. I’m working, according to my own standards. But I think I should give Gandhi a little more credit and think about this idea some more. I’ve heard other people claim it’s ethically wrong to use intention manifestation to win the lottery because you’re getting “something for nothing”, but I really don’t care what they think. However, when Gandhi says it, then perhaps I should perk up and pay attention :-P.

This brings up the topic of what is wealth, how society views wealth, the true value of something, what the natural order of things are regarding wealth and value, etc. A lot of issues that need to be addressed, and I’ve barely scratched the surface.

Overall

Looking over this list, and looking internally at the beliefs and thoughts in my head that need to be resolved, I still come to the same conclusion: I can do this. I can overcome these obstacles in a positive way that will conclude with me winning the jackpot. My goal is possible. But I do have work to do, and I’m not entirely sure how I’ll get there just yet. But the destination exists :-).

First off - thanks for everyone’s comments. You guys present views that I wouldn’t be able to see otherwise, and it helps.

Let me summarize my previous post, now that I’ve had time to digest everything.

Intention manifestation is slightly flawed. It’s a good model overall, but there is a problem. The problem is that we believe that a “sense of knowing” causes our intention to manifest. Because of that belief, we design our exercises in ways to induce this “sense of knowing” within us. This is incorrect (although it can produce some limited results).

I believe intention manifestation made this problem because it saw that successful people had a “sense of knowing” before they succeeded, so we assumed this “sense of knowing” causes the success. This is a logical fallacy, called Post Hoc. Just because it came before doesn’t mean that it caused it.

One way to explain this is that something happened before the “sense of knowing” came. This something caused the “sense of knowing”, and it also caused the success. Another way to explain it is that something happened before the success, and we have a precognitive facility that sees the success happening, which causes the “sense of knowing”. There could be a million explanations, these are just two alternatives. Here’s a picture:

It is my current understanding that both alternate 1 and alternate 2 could be true at the same time, and that “something” is choice.

Now, I can dance around in the theoretical mind junk mumbo jumbo all I want… what actual changes are made with this altered perspective?

With intention manifestation, our goal is to induce the “sense of knowing”. We can do that with visualization, altering our beliefs, feeling the success, etc. All our techniques stem from inducing a “sense of knowing”. With the alternate ideas, our goal changes… now we need to figure out what that “something” is, and how to do it.

But all hope is not lost. It seems we might have more work to do, but not really. We have a pretty good hint - when we do that “something” correctly, we should experience a “sense of knowing”. Not FORCING it. We should naturally experience it.

So my new technique for winning the lottery has changed. Instead of repeating mantras in my mind about how I’ve won, I’m going to instead alter my number picking strategy. I tried this strategy on the last drawing and had minimal success (nothing crazy or definite). My new strategy is to write down numbers, and see if I feel a “sense of knowing” about them. When I focus on them, do I feel that the numbers are winners? Do I feel confident? Am I sure they will win?

If I don’t feel that confidence, then I tweak the numbers, and try again. And again. And again. Until I feel I’ve optimized my “sense of knowing”. Then I play those numbers.

I will try this new strategy for a month or two, and see how it goes.

READ: This is a huge post. I’m sorry - I can’t help myself - my thoughts must move! I realize that most people probably won’t read it all - that’s fine, I don’t expect anyone to. This post is more for my own documentation than it is to share my ideas with everyone. In a future post, I will condense this down into a more readable format. Until then, I need to document my thoughts before the next lottery drawing…

So anyways… I lost the lottery on June 15th, and it really pissed me off, and got me thinking. Look - there’s an important lesson here that needs to be learned by the majority of people on this planet. When you’re wrong, you’re wrong. It’s not reality’s fault - it’s mine. When your model of reality is incorrect, you DO NOT force reality to fit into your arbitrary mold. You change your model, and learn from your mistakes. That’s what this post is about.

I was wrong about intention manifestation. I believe intention manifestation is a very nice model of reality, but there are some flaws, and these flaws are holding me back. All models of reality have partial truths in them, so I must take what is true out of the intention manifestation model of reality, and create a new model that can help me win the lottery.

I was breaking the news to a friend of mine, and he responded that first I rejected randomness, and now I’m rejecting intention manifestation… what next? Perhaps I enjoy rejecting models of reality a little too much :-). Either way, I have an updated understanding (which will someday be replaced by yet another, I’m sure). On to version 3.0…

The realization I made originated in my second lottery adventure, which is documented in text and video. What sparked that experience was that I went to the store, and tried to force a win from the scratch off machine. And I failed. Being pissed, I decided to listen instead of forcing things, and documented one of my biggest wins on video as a result.

Where intention manifestation fails is that it gives you the sense that you can accomplish anything, as long as you believe it through and through. This is false. I hate to be a downer, and I hate to sound negative… but I have to conclude it’s false based on the evidence. Belief can help by filtering and aligning your perspective on reality - but belief alone can not create. All it does is change the filter, which can help you in finding opportunities, and things of that nature. With an open belief system, your eyes are more open to success. Belief is important - but belief alone does not do the creation.

Intention manifestation agrees with this mostly. Intention manifestation states that you have to have belief, but you also have to have feelings - you have to visualize and feel as though your goal is true in this moment. Intention manifestation states it’s more than just positive thinking… it’s more than just filtering your perspective. Adding emotions into the mix, and really FEELING it, will produce results. This is false.

Now you might jump out of your seat and yell - “Wait a second, you’ve been using intention manifestation to do all sorts of things, and you’ve gotten results! How can you say that intention manifestation is false?! You’ve used it and seen it with your own eyes!”

True enough. I have used intention manifestation to produce results that can’t be explained by simply altering your beliefs, and changing your filter. On the surface, it seems as though intention manifestation is true, and that’s whats so tricky about it. But we have to dig a little deeper.

The truth is that sometimes intentions come true, and sometimes they don’t. The truth is that sometimes we go through all the steps, and it just doesn’t work. Sometimes it does! And it’s awesome! But sometimes it doesn’t. So obviously we’re missing something in the equation. Some other factor that plays an important role, or some other understanding.

Hopefully I haven’t lost you just yet. Let me review everything, from the beginning, to clear up what I’m about to do.

Ok. So we have these models for reality. Everyone has models for reality in their own minds… we might call them “belief systems”, or “the way things are”, or “how things work”, or “religion” … etc. We all have an internal model of reality that we use in our minds.

Now there are some popular models that a lot of people share. For example, the skeptical/cynical model of reality (version 1.0). If I were to tell a skeptic that I plan on winning the lottery, they might respond that it is POSSIBLE for me to win… but in all likelihood, I won’t. They might use concepts found in statistics and probability to talk about how the world works, and how the lottery is designed to make a profit for the government. They might say that the lottery is the tax for the stupid. Stuff like that. This is all in their model of reality. Now the skeptic usually has trouble telling the difference between actual reality, and the model of reality in their head. They think they see reality perfectly clear, and usually have a hard time admitting that they just might be wrong. They haven’t made the distinction that it’s simply a model in their own mind. But that’s ok, we can forgive them for now.

In the New Age and Personal Development circles, we have the intention manifestation model of reality (version 2.0). If I tell people who subscribe to this model that I plan on winning the lottery, most would probably cheer me on saying that it’s certainly possible if I do what intention manifestation tells me to do. Some people might argue that because I’m getting “something for nothing”, that I will fail, because I don’t have a noble cause. But most would probably admit that it’s possible. They would tell me that I have to really believe that I can win, and that I have to meditate and visualize myself winning, and feel all the emotions associated with that. Really put myself in the moment and feel like a winner. Feel like I just won. See it in my mind so clearly that it becomes superimposed on my subconscious mind, and transmitted out to the universe to attract it using “vibrations” and such. Ok.

Now, those are just two models of reality. Sure, they are each interesting in their own right, and they each have a body of literature and history. They each have truths that can’t be denied. But both of them are still just models of reality made by humans… they inherently have faults in them. The trick is to separate yourself from the model you hold in your mind. Don’t become attached to the model - become attached to reality. Reality is the judge. Not the model in your mind. Reality determines what is possible, and what isn’t possible. Not your human understanding. So we must constantly evolve our own internal models based on what we observe in reality. We might not be able to create a 100% perfect model, but that’s ok. We just need to be flexible enough to modify our model when the situation calls for it. We need to be willing to change.

So… my interest in the lottery was sparked by internalizing the realization that the skeptical/cynical model of reality (version 1.0, dealing with probability and statistics) isn’t entirely true. There is a vital flaw in this model. I outline the flaw in three posts on this website, Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3. If you don’t want to read all those, I will summarize the flaw briefly here.

The flaw with the skeptical/cynical model of reality is that it can’t explain how people win the lottery twice. It simply can’t. Now, if you think that it can explain it, then I encourage you to take classes in probability and statistics to truly understand what our modern views of reality tell us about someone winning the lottery twice. If you grasp probability and statistics correctly, then there is only one conclusion to make: people should never win the lottery twice. Yet, people do. So we must admit that the skeptical/cynical model is incorrect.

Now we reach another crossroad. Reality is not behaving as the intention manifestation model states that it should. Just like reality doesn’t behave like the skeptical/cynical model says it should. What is our response? Modify our model of reality. We are forced to reject intention manifestation, the same way we were forced to reject modern ideas of probability and statistics.

When we rejected probability and statistics, we didn’t reject everything. We can’t. A lot of probability and statistics is completely correct and accurate! I would say probably 99% of it :-). But there is a vital flaw. Probability and statistics rely on the existence of the concept of randomness. However, it is my understanding that randomness does not exist. Therefore, while probability and statistics are great tools, we have to realize what they are doing. They are not modeling random numbers. They are modeling choice. Making that simple correction does not undermine all the work that’s gone into the fields of probability and statistics. It simply tweaks it slightly to more accurately fit reality - and it works.

Now that we’re rejecting intention manifestation, we have to realize that a lot of intention manifestation is completely correct. But we need to tweak again. We need to observe reality, and realize where the holes are in our model. Then we need to patch the holes, and use this modified model of reality to accomplish our goals. If reality throws experiences at us that contradict our modified model (which will certainly happen at some point), then we will be forced to tweak again.

So - where does intention manifestation fail?

It fails when we try to manifest something, following the instructions correctly, and it doesn’t work. Our goal isn’t accomplished. We experienced the feelings, we did the visualization, we focused, felt good, believed… and then nothing. No results. Instead of beating ourselves up, let’s beat up intention manifestation :-).

Let’s try to understand how humans created intention manifestation to begin with. We were pretty smart about it… What we did was go around, and interview and talk to all these successful people. We asked them, “How did you do it? What is your story? What made you succeed where everyone else failed?” This is a great idea! Asking questions is a brilliant idea.

Successful people responded with their stories. And a lot of these stories had things in common. So, being the smart human race that we are, we looked at the patterns. We noticed that a lot of successful people had a burning desire to succeed. And this desire consumed their thoughts. We noticed that a lot of successful people believed they would succeed before they did - even when they logically shouldn’t have believed it. We noticed that this burning desire and belief were the very things that made them succeed. Story after story, we noticed that it was this burning desire and belief that got these people through the tough times, and allowed them to create opportunities for them, that led to success. Amazing!

So, after we noticed this, we proclaimed: Successful people had a burning desire and unwavering belief before they were successful. If you want to be successful, you need a burning desire and unwavering belief. Tada!

This idea is outlined in hundreds of books, the most popular of which is undoubtedly Napoleon Hill’s, Think and Grow Rich, published in 1937. A lot of books influenced the creation of the intention manifestation model of reality, but it is my opinion that this book is one of the major ones.

Over time, the intention manifestation model has evolved into what we see presented today, by programs like “The Secret“, and all the other ripoffs. It has evolved from this idea of burning desire and belief, into visualization and feeling your goal is already achieved.

So where is the mistake? Where is the flaw?

I will tell you. It’s very clear to me now that I have hindsight. The flaw is that we think belief, expectation, and feelings cause our goal to be accomplished. This is incorrect.

This is the mistake that we made. We saw that successful people have strong beliefs, and having this sense of “knowing” that they would succeed, before they actually succeeded. This sense of “knowing” is very important - and anyone who has applied intention manifestation knows specifically what it is. This sense of simply knowing that your goal WILL be accomplished. You just know. The mistake that we made is thinking that this sense of knowing caused the goal to be accomplished.

It’s actually a pretty normal mistake that we make all the time. The cynics have solved this problem already for us (hey, what can I say, I owe you a beer :-P). It’s a logical fallacy, called Post Hoc. We noticed that this sense of knowing came before the success, so we assumed this sense of knowing caused the success. Incorrect. Just because it came before does not mean that it caused it.

Our techniques for intention manifestation are based on the idea that we need to induce this sense of knowing. We need to alter our beliefs. We need to create a burning desire. We need to make ourselves believe. We need to convince ourselves that our goal is accomplished. Once we do that, we will have our sense of knowing. And once we have this sense of knowing, then success will follow.

But now we have to reconcile the fact that people can brainwash a sense of knowing in themselves, and the goal still isn’t accomplished. How do you reconcile that? All you intention manifestation people out there reading this… how do you explain how a person can believe 100%, feel it, visualize it, get into it… and then fail? You can’t. Not with the intention manifestation model. It’s time for a new model.

We run into some tension here, because some people might fear that if intention manifestation is incorrect, then we must downgrade to the skeptical/cynical model of reality. Hey, don’t beat yourself up too bad. We don’t have to move in that direction. We can create a new model that incorporates everything we’ve learned. And since our new model is going to be based on personal experience and open mindedness, we’ll be sure to include everything we possibly can, which will in turn help us to accomplish our goals even faster than before.

So now that we know the history of all this bullshit, what is our new model going to be? I propose version 3.0, the choice model :-). Please be aware that I didn’t come up with this all on my own. My current understanding is a result of reading, experimenting, discussing, and stealing ideas from other smart people (one good location for that is Steve’s forum on intention manifestation).

(This is a long post, I’m sorry. I want to get this down on paper before the next lottery drawing, even if that means no one will read the entire post :-P.)

My current understanding is that choice is the root to achieving a goal. This choice is made before the goal is actually manifested, ranging anywhere from a few microseconds, to decades. When this choice is made, we feel a sense of knowing that the goal will be accomplished. Perhaps this sense of knowing comes from a precognitive facility in our minds that actually sees the goal being accomplished - I’m not sure.

What I want to point out is that this choice has a supernatural quality about it that creates the reality we will someday experience. This isn’t simply a normal decision that we experience all the time… this choice is on a different level. English doesn’t have the vocabulary for it.

Ok, look. This isn’t your normal decision. I’m not sure if I can explain it to someone whose never made a decision like this before. To people who have used intention manifestation, you’ve already done it, and you can probably understand what I’m getting at. There comes a point when you say to yourself, “I AM going to do this. Period.” And that sentence alone isn’t what’s so powerful about it. It’s all the emotion… it’s every cell in your body saying “YES” to this. It is a true decision, a real choice. Not the wishy-washy crap that we do daily. It’s the type of choice that makes you slam your fist down on the table, stand up tall, and stare reality in it’s eye. It’s not anger, it’s not fear, it’s not happiness, it’s not joyfulness. It’s the raw emotion of “am”. “To be”. I AM going to do this.

That’s where the power is. It’s not about good or bad, or noble, or evil. It’s raw “YES”. It’s raw “GO”. This is the emotion that is the root to the burning desire. This is the emotion that is the root to belief. To the sense of knowing. This emotion - this choice - is the origin. Maybe you’ve never made a decision like this before, but you’ve probably seen someone make this decision. To look in their eye, and see their resolve. It’s almost like their decision convinces you. You don’t know how they’re going to accomplish their goal, but just by looking at them you know they are going to.

It’s not stubbornness, though it might look a little similar. It’s different. Stubbornness is forceful in nature… this type of decision that I’m describing really isn’t forceful. It’s self-evident. It’s true because it’s true. Stubbornness shuts down your mind… this type of decision opens your mind up. That’s one way to tell the difference.

When you make a decision like this, the world moves. Shit that’s in your way gets out of your way. Shit you need to experience starts to bee-line in your direction.

Now - there are different degrees, which is important to realize. It’s not all about emotion, even though that’s the picture I painted above. Emotion does help though. We can throw all the emotion out the window, and still be left with this choice. However, if you want to make the choice consciously, it would probably be in your best interest to use emotion to help you.

It’s about existence. It’s about being. It’s not inducing a sense of knowing… it’s behind that. Once you hit it, you feel a sense of knowing. Don’t identify it as the sense of knowing - that’s where intention manifestation made it’s mistake. It’s behind the sense of knowing. It’s the root.

Intention manifestation points us in the right direction, which is why it’s successful. But it fails because it’s not precise. It gets us in the right area, but it misses the exact location. We may stumble upon the exact location while using intention manifestation, but only because it’s in such close proximity. These are the times when we succeed. Other times, we are still in the same ballpark, but we fail because we didn’t precisely hit where we need to be.

I’m not sure if I’m explaining it correctly. Sometimes my mind gets carried away… let me try again :-P.

Ultimately, it is a choice. Wash away the extra bullshit, and you’re left with a choice. Now, in reality, we have a real hard time washing away the extra bullshit :-P. So we have to deal with the bullshit instead. That’s where things start getting hard to understand. Everyone has different stuff piled on their consciousness, so we all have different things to deal with when it comes to making this choice. It’s tough to get through and make the choice, because there’s so much crap. That’s why we have techniques, methods, exercises, models, ideas, discussions, growth, etc.

Look, if you believe that you can’t win the lottery, then that is extra bullshit piled on your consciousness that needs to be dealt with before you can win the lottery. But it’s not even that simple. If that’s all you had to deal with, then that would be easy! In reality, we have miles of shit to wade through. A simple belief that you can’t win is just an ounce.

Here, let me draw a picture:

Alrighty!

All hope is not lost… yet :-P.

My point is that we have a lot of stuff that goes on inside of our head that stops us from making these powerful choices all the time. The intention manifestation model does a pretty good job of cutting through a lot of that shit, but it’s not good enough. We can accomplish a lot of wonderful things with intention manifestation, but it falls short when it comes to winning the lottery. We might be able to use intention manifestation to win the lottery, but there is a better way.

I failed to win the lottery this past time because I focused on inducing a sense of knowing, assuming that it was the sense of knowing that created the success. This is false, hence I failed.

Now that I see that this supernatural choice is my goal, I know where to aim. And I’ll know when I get it, because I’ll feel a sense of knowing.

Blah blah blah blah blah.

What does it all mean?!

It means I’m changing my strategy for picking lottery numbers. In the past, I just picked random numbers while filling out the lottery sheet. This method may produce a win, but I want to be smarter about it. My new method is to write down lottery numbers on paper, and examine my “sense of knowing” about them. Then tweak the numbers over and over again, until I find my maximum “sense of knowing”. Then play those numbers.

This “sense of knowing” is something that needs to be polled. It needs to be examined and used. NOT FORCED. Not induced. It’s already in us, so let’s use it! I’m much more confident with this strategy than my strategy in the past, and it feels much more correct.

We shall see where it leads.

If you’ve made it this far, amazing. I really didn’t expect anyone to read this entire post. You must be bored :-). Like I said at the start, I intend on making a much more smaller version of this post in the future. I simply didn’t have the time, and I wanted to get my ideas out before the next lottery drawing. If you’ve skipped to the end, then you’re a lousy cheater! JERK! :-P. Anyways… this post took three days to write. And my thoughts are still bouncing around. They will eventually settle down. Thanks! See ya.