Personal liberation is great.

But I get stuck. See, it turns out that everyone is already free. So if I sit here and say that I can help free you, then I’m lying. You are free.

But I see a lot of people using their freedom to enslave themselves. Then they cry because they are enslaved. What am I suppose to do? Help them to stop crying? The only way to stop them from crying is to get them to realize they are already free. But to get them to realize they are already free, they must free themselves from their own enslavement. So I have to tell them that they aren’t free. But they are.

If I tell you, “The only way to become free is to strive for truth in all things”, then that is nice. It’s a nice little statement, which is very useful. But it’s a lie. And very hypocritical at that… I’m lying about striving for truth!

But if I tell you, “You are already free”, it is true. But it’s not useful to you. You are suffering, you feel enslaved, and you want to be free. What good is it to know that you are already free? If anything, that makes it worse!

So I must do the compassionate thing… I must lie in order to help out. Everyone is free, but a lot of us don’t realize it.

So how do you free yourself? Fuck if I know :-).

Personal liberation is one of those things you gotta do for yourself. There’s a lot of bullshit out there… including this post :-). Some idiot thinks he has things figured out, and wants to share his distorted perspective with the world. That’s life. Every person you see is expressing their personalized slavery. So join them if you want… though I wouldn’t recommend it :-P.

People who make sense only make sense because they reflect the things that make sense in our own head. Someone doesn’t help us or hurt us… we help and hurt ourself. The person is only a reflection of this self-process.

So how do you free yourself anyway? I suppose the best way would be to stop taking shit so seriously. And don’t take that advice too seriously either :-).

It’s one big contradiction. If I tell you how to free yourself, then how can you be free of my instruction? Teaching is enslavement. If I give advice, then are you free to not take my advice? Or do you feel compelled to take my advice? If you don’t take my advice, you are enslaved, and if you take my advice, you are enslaved. Good luck! (don’t worry, there’s a third path :-P).

Avoid people who know what they’re talking about. They ruin truth. I’m sure I’m guilty of it… sorry :-P.

I think about the nature of choice and free will quite a bit.

I already know that free will exists. Philosophy majors can bite me :-P. Free will exists because I see myself using it all the time. I’m not going to get into a debate about determinism.

But how do we make decisions? What is a decision? Can we break it down to a chemical reaction in our brains? Or a specific electric current flowing through the neurons in our noggins? I believe we could find some things in my head that relate to my decisions, but I don’t think that’s the starting point of the decision. The chemical reactions are simply side effects.

The only possibility I see is that decisions originate from the quantum world. “Spritual” or whatever. I don’t see any other option (of course, just because I don’t see it doesn’t mean another option doesn’t exist :-P).

Then I think: I think way too much! Does this even matter? I make decisions all the time. I don’t need to know how it functions to use it. Here it is… some mysterious decision making process. Now what will I do with it?

Well, I want to win the lottery, and I believe that I can choose to win. So how am I going to do that. Hmm.

My brain tells me there are two angles for attack: 1. perceive the winning numbers (ESP), or 2. affect the drawing (Micro-PK).  However, my intuition says that there is a third option… and my intuition tells me that this third option is related to intention manifestation.

Let’s explore the intuition some more…

Don’t worry so much! :-)  Yes, intention manifestation is the starting point.  The brain fails you in this situation because ESP and Micro-PK are dependent on the idea that the observer is separate from the observed.  Intention manifestation is more correct because it uses the truth that we are all in the same pool of reality, interconnected.  Even if you don’t want to accept that, then look at the facts.  Remember that intention manifestation actually produced results in the past - ESP and Micro-PK didn’t come close.  Now, the intention manifestation model isn’t perfect… you’ve already torn it apart in previous posts.  But it is useful at this stage, and a step forward.  My recommendation is to start intending again.  Forget about all the theories, explanations, and thought-junk; Just Do It.

I’ve learned how to make a training regiment and stick to it.  I’ve proven this with my physical training.  Perhaps it’s time to start exercising my ability to manifest as well.

Start low, increase slowly.  I’ll start today, intending to win the MegaMillions Jackpot, visualizing myself having the winning ticket.  I’ll focus on this for one minute without interruption.  And I’ll increase it by a minute every day.  By the end of September, I’ll be intending for over 30 minutes.

Sounds like a plan :-).

So I just had an idea, which I think is pretty good.

Instead of forums, what if we had like a strictly video forum?  You post a video of yourself on YouTube, and then enter it on the forums here as a “new topic”.  People hit play, and see you either ask your question, or talk about something.  Then they reply with videos of themselves, in response.

I have no idea how it would turn out, but it sounds like a cool thing to try.  If you don’t understand what I’m saying, just imagine a normal forum… Now remove all text in threads and posts, and replace it with videos.

I may just implement this… it’s fairly straight forward, and as long as YouTube handles the video side of things, it won’t cost any bandwidth either :-).

Would you (the reader) participate in such a forum?

Lately I’ve been getting sick of self-help stuff.

When I first became interested in self-help and personal development, it seemed pretty kick ass.  I bought some books, read a lot online, and watched some movies.  It was great :-).

But it’s starting to wear on me.  Now when I read self-help stuff, I feel annoyed.  It strikes me as very arrogant.

It’s sort of a push and pull thing, I suppose.  We try to become better people, and we try to figure out the reality around us.  But in doing so, we eventually come to a point where we think we have things figured out.  Over time, this solidifies into a world view.  We lose beginner’s-mind.  I don’t like that.

For those that don’t know, beginner’s-mind is the mental state we are in when we feel as though we don’t know anything about a subject.  We are very open to ideas, and absorb a lot of information in this state.  Zen Buddhism values beginner’s-mind, because there are no expectations, no assumptions, no false beliefs.  Just emptiness, openness, and curiosity.  “In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, in the expert’s mind there are few.”

A lot of times it feels like that people who offer advice have lost beginner’s-mind.  Which is a shame, because a lot of times their advice is pretty good :-).  A mini-paradox.

I guess I’m just sick of all these ideas.  Too many ideas, and not enough action.  Does the guru want you to succeed?  The minute you walk on your own two feet is the same minute they lose a customer.  I’m not sure if it’s wise to let peoples’ weaknesses drive your income.

But is it wrong to try and help people?  Surely it can’t be.

The blind leading the blind?  Heh :-).

We’re all blind.  It’s just a question of how much an individual recognizes the blindness inherent in themselves.  Hello!

I’ve been struggling with this idea of “deserving to win the lottery” for a little while now, and I’ve finally found the solution. First, let me describe my original conflict.

With intention manifestation, some say it’s important to feel as though you deserve whatever it is you’re trying to manifest. My problem with this idea is that to feel as though you deserve something is really asking for trouble. It’s being rude to reality. It’s my belief that reality will determine what you deserve, using precise and exact judgment. If you feel as though you deserve something, and reality disagrees, then you’re setting yourself up for disappointment and suffering.

So my solution to that was to never feel as though I deserved anything. I hated seeing people do nothing and feel as though they deserve something. It’s rude. If you want something, then go after it. Work hard for it, and attain it. It seemed as though this feeling of “deserving” would get in the way. Whenever I think of it, I envision a bad employee who always complains about how they deserve a raise, or deserve longer breaks, or more benefits. Quit complaining, and go get it! Stop wallowing, stop feeling as though you deserve something you haven’t earned, and get off your ass and do something about it!

Anyways…

Those were my old thoughts. I still like most of them, but I’ve altered them slightly now that I’ve found a solution.

I now agree that it’s important to feel as though you deserve whatever you’re intending to manifest. And my negativity associated with “deserving” has been removed. Let me explain my new thoughts… (sorry if this turns out to be a little long-winded):

I live in Maryland, and went on vacation in Georgia, where my family lives. We went to see an Atlanta Braves baseball game, and I couldn’t help but notice all the attractive females walking around :-). One thing I really miss about Georgia is all the smoking hot females. Of all the places I’ve lived, Georgia definitely has the most beautiful women.

I was also admiring the skill of the baseball players. I was thinking about how hard they worked to achieve their goal of playing in the majors. How much training and hard work they must have gone through, just to perform gracefully and correctly.

With that in mind, I tried to imagine a world where every person lived up to their potential. Where every single person found their dream job, and worked hard to achieve their goals. Where every person exercised, ate healthy, and was beautiful. I tried to imagine what that world would be like. Would it be better than our world? What would it be like if every last person on the planet was successful to their highest potential?

My mind started to create this world, so I could see how it would function. First I envisioned a baseball pitcher becoming the best he could… throwing the fastest and most precise pitches. Then I thought how this perfect pitcher would strike everyone out… But then I remembered - the batter would also live up to his highest potential. Each player would be the perfect batter, and could hit any pitch exactly where they wanted. I saw that baseball would still exist in this perfect world, because competition would still be valid. Perfect players playing against perfect players still produces a great game.

Then I started to think about perfect females. Then I envisioned myself living up to my potential. Healthy, strong, smart, fun, compassionate, etc. Everything maxed out. While looking out over the crowd of fans, I envision every man and women in the stands as living up to their potential. I imagined all of us had achieved all our goals, and were living healthy and happy lives.

After playing this out in my head for a while, I realized that it would be a pretty kick ass place to live in. Everyone would be happy, and there would be very little problems in the world. We would all be rich. We would all support each other. It would be really great.

This was when I realized the real meaning of the word “deserve”. I realized that we all deserve to live in a world like that. I deserve to live up to my highest potential. But you, the reader, also deserve me to live up to my highest potential. And I deserve you to live up to yours. And you deserve it as well.

I realized that I actually deserve to win the lottery. But so does anyone else who also sets that as a goal. It’s not really about earning it… it’s more about realizing that the world could be like my day dream. It’s possible for all of us to live in a world where each person has lived up to their potential. We all need to work for it. You deserve to accomplish your goals because they are your goals! And I deserve to have a reader who has accomplished their goals! So don’t let me down :-P.

Maybe I’m not explaining it correctly. My old thought pattern was that you get what you deserve. Reality determines what you deserve. So don’t complain about what you’re looking at, because reality has served it to you. If you think you deserve something else, then work for it.

My new thought pattern is that it’s possible for us to live in a world where everyone has lived up to their potential. And we deserve to simply because it’s possible. We shouldn’t settle for any less. We can create a perfect world, so we must. Anything less wouldn’t be fair. From this root, I see that I deserve to win the lottery, simply because it’s my goal, and I deserve to accomplish my goals. It’s on my path towards living up to my potential. And you deserve a webmaster who has lived up to his potential! So I won’t let you down :-).

It’s an interesting idea for me, because I’m not used to thinking like this. I’m sure many of you out there have realized what I’ve written in your own unique ways. But I’m glad that I’ve finally realized it for myself :-). Step 1. Randomness doesn’t exist. Step 2. I deserve to live up to my potential. Step 3….?

(Also: After finishing this post, I just checked my most recent lottery ticket. I won $2. Odds 1 in 75. I haven’t won money from MegaMillions since I realized that randomness doesn’t exist :-P. I think I’m on the right track.)

My dad had an idea for promoting A Little Weird, and wanted to turn it into a short video.  Somehow he convinced me to play along :-P.  I was skeptical at first, but I’m fairly pleased at the outcome now that we’ve finished.  That’s me in the video.  Please leave comments because my father wants to know what everyone thinks about it.

Hey everyone,

I’ve really enjoyed A Little Weird (ALW) so far. I like it better than PsiPog.net (my old paranormal website) for a variety of reasons. I know that ALW doesn’t provide as much value to the audience compared to PsiPog.net, but I still feel I’m more on the “right path” with ALW than with PsiPog.net.

I want to add more features, but I’m having a hard time deciding what direction to move in. I want to do something original. I don’t want to add all the same generic website staples that exist in every community. Forums are nice, but just plopping up some forums with no direction doesn’t feel right. It’s too bland.

I want a real community. I want everyone to feel as though they are truly a part of something. I want members to take pride in the community, and feel a sense of ownership.

One idea that I keep returning to in my head is that disagreement is vital. I want to attract people with drastically different beliefs and opinions. On PsiPog.net, it felt like we kept trying to get everyone to agree on things. When we failed, we got frustrated, and when we succeeded, things became boring. I don’t like either outcome. I think reality is far too enigmatic to be in agreement on how it functions. I want every member to express themselves as individuals. I want disagreement.

Not that I want members to fight with each other. I simply want healthy and vibrant discussion. I think we can disagree without being mean about it :-).

It’s nice to focus on weird topics because there is so much to discuss. With a focus on the bizarre nature of reality, there is so much unknown. There are no definite answers. I like that. It allows the mind to really think freely and breeds intriguing ideas.

I’m not sure how to build this community. It’s still foggy in my head. I have a collection of ideas, but they aren’t connected yet into one game plan. I’m also not sure how to guard against our natural drive to make others agree with ourselves. It’s natural for a human to try and get people to agree with him/her. I want people to express themselves, and have vibrant discussions, but I don’t want people to gravitate towards those they agree with. If anything, I want the opposite. I want members to gravitate towards people they adamantly disagree with. I’m not sure how to create an environment for that to happen naturally.

I was about to fall asleep one night, when I came up with some ideals for this community in my head. They went something like this:

1. Strength from Contrast

2. Unity through Diversity

3. Know Thyself, or maybe, Courageous Self-Expression

The first one means that contrast is what makes us strong. Our strength, as a group, comes from our differences. The second one means that we should embrace our diversity, and unite under the idea that we are different. So many groups exist because the members have the same beliefs… I want the opposite of that. I want a community that exists because we are all different. The third one I have trouble putting into words, and I’ll probably change it. But the idea is that we each need to be personally strong, and know who we are as individuals. We need to stick up for what makes us who we are, and not be easily swayed by our insecurities.

These are all just ideas at this point. Just floating around inside of my head (and now floating around on the internet :-P). I’m curious if anyone has any further input. I will be solidifying this idea over the next month or so, and once I get a clear vision, I’ll start moving towards it. What do you think?

Here is an old story that I like to keep handy.  Every time I get in a discussion with a “skeptic”, they eventually use the line that “if psychic abilities were real, I would have seen it on the news”.  I like to give them this clip immediately afterwards :-).

(Taken from TRV.COM)

My First Weird Experience

Before I became interested in psychic abilities (because I thought they were fake), I had a strong interest in hypnosis. I was about 14 or 15 years old, and I saw a hypnotist on TV knocking people out and making them do weird things, like make out with brooms. I was intrigued instantly.

As any nerd would do, my natural reaction was to go to the library and read every book on hypnosis I could find. Unfortunately, there weren’t any. There was only one in the catalog, and I had to order it from another library. A tormenting week later, the book finally arrived, and I dove in.

I didn’t try hypnotizing anyone else… I didn’t really care about making other people look silly. I wanted to try this stuff up close and personal. The only chapter that interested me was the one titled, “Self-Hypnosis”.

I did the exercises, and they mostly didn’t do anything. It put me in a light trance, but even then… it was more like - “Did I do it? Was I hypnotized? Or just messing with myself?” I didn’t have any solid success. I kept at it for a while (probably a month or two), but nothing crazy was happening, so I eventually lost interest.

Except for one experience…

At the time I didn’t make the connection, and concluded that self-hypnosis didn’t work for me. Looking back, I now know that my experience was directly related to my practice with self-hypnosis.

I woke up in the middle of the night, and was laying in bed. The next thing I remember, I could hear people faintly. The volume gradually increased until I could hear a crowd of people as if they were standing all around me. I’m talking about actually hearing people. If someone started a conversation with you in real life right now - that’s the exact kind of hearing I experienced. Real hearing. As if they were physically right next to me.

I could make out the voices and sounds. It was as if I was walking down my hallway in high school, between classes. I could hear some of my friends talking, and other acquaintances. I could listen to the entire crowd and take in all the mur-murs, or I could focus in on one group of people and hear specifically what they were talking about. Just like in real life.

I was absolutely amazed. I was fully aware that I was laying in bed, in the middle of the night. My eyes were even partly open. I was completely calm and conscious. But I heard voices :-P. Perhaps I am crazy? It wasn’t a dream, although part of my brain might have been in a dream state. Eventually I fell asleep, after listening for about 5-10 minutes.

Hypnagogia

Before you actually think that I really am clinically crazy, I should tell you that my experience is somewhat common, and has been scientifically studied. It’s called a hypnagogic experience. Weird word for a weird state of mind :-).

The scientific community claims that it’s a form of hallucination that people experience between the sleep and awake state. There are a lot of different ways to experience this hallucination. You can hear weird things (auditory), see weird things (visual), or feel weird things (tactile). Or maybe a combination. It just so happens that in my experience, I heard voices.

Since my experience, I’ve had a lot of hypnagogic hallucinations. I can sometimes induce them on cue, but usually they just happen randomly. Some hallucinations are very vivid and seem real, while others are very light and I can easily tell that it’s something in my head. Either way, they are a lot of fun to play with, as long as you don’t get too freaked out :-).

How to have a Hypnagogic Hallucination

Chances are you’ve already had a light hypnagogic hallucination before, you just didn’t know what it was called. I believe that day dreams are a very very light form of them (although I’ve never read research that has made the connection). A more solid hypnagogic hallucination can be experienced before falling asleep at night.

How? Simple: trance.

Trance out before you go to bed at night, and weird shit happens. It’s a law of the universe :-).

But maybe this is your first time trying to induce a trance, and you have no real clue how to go about it. Hey, don’t worry! It just so happens I have some tips you can try :-).

First, lay down. Close your eyes. Sometimes I listen to music, and that can really help a lot. What kind of music? Surely you can guess by now: trance music :-).

If you choose to listen to some music, then a great way to get into a trance is to focus ONLY on the music. Focus on every layer, every instrument, every background ting and whiz. Make sure the songs are in stereo, and focus on how the left ear is slightly different from the right ear. Put 100% of your focus in the song. Forget your body. Do this for about 20 minutes, and you’ll be in a nice trance :-).

If you choose not to listen to music, then you might have to work a little harder to trance out without falling asleep. Progressive relaxation helps. Basically, just lay there, don’t move your body, and relax all your muscles. Then go muscle by muscle, and focus on making sure it’s completely relaxed. Start at your feet, work your way up your legs, through your torso, down your arms, into your neck and face. This entire process should take from 20 minutes to 40 minutes. It’s not a race! Take your time.

If you do progressive relaxation, and get to the end and you still aren’t tranced out, then just think of nothing. Focus on thinking of nothing. Keep doing that. It’s hard. But it works.

Once you get to a solid trance, either by using music, or relaxing your body, then just maintain the trance. Weird stuff is bound to happen :-).

What Happens?

If you reach a trance state of mind, then you won’t be fully aware that you’re trancing out. It’s like watching a really good movie. It sucks you in and you completely forget that you’re sitting in a theater, watching a movie. It’s like day dreaming. If you try to pin down, “ok, NOW I’m day dreaming”, then you miss it. But if you just let go and experience it, then you flow in and through it, and you realize afterwards what happened.

So what happens when you’re trancing out? For me, usually something will yank me back. Maybe I was trying to think of nothing, and a flood of thoughts rush into my mind. Or I’ll hear something. Or I’ll feel someone poke me :-P. Hello hypnagogia!

Once a hallucination yanks me out of my trance, I don’t have to go back into a trance. I can just lay there, stay calm, and play around with the hallucination - completely aware of what’s going on.

I experience hypnagogic states of mind about five times a month. For example, last night I saw some weird stuff. I went to bed, listening to some trance music. I listened attentively for about 20 minutes, focusing only on the music, before I tranced out. Then a flood of images and videos came at me. It yanked me out of my trance, but the hallucination continued. I saw faces and people - I was inspecting them and trying to memorize their faces. This continued for about a minute. The faces flashed by me quickly. I didn’t recognize anyone :-P. It was crystal clear though. It wasn’t blurred, or fuzzy around the edges. I saw it clearly.

Sometimes I experience auditory hallucination like I did during my first experience. When I reach that state of mind, it’s like I’m a radio, picking up whatever I want. I can tune myself to music, and listen to songs in my head, with crystal clarity and perfect recall. Or I can tune myself to specific people, and hear them talk. For example, I may get yanked out of a trance hearing my friend say something (”I don’t think that’s fair. Wouldn’t it be better to just talk to him? Maybe I just don’t understand.”). I can tune in to that friend, and listen to them talk. Or I can change to another person and listen to them. Or change to music. It’s fun :-). And it’s all crystal clear, as if it was happening right in front of me.

In the same way, when I experience visual hallucination, sometimes I can tune it as well (but for me, tuning a visual hallucination is harder). I remember one experience where I tuned into receiving cartoon characters. Why? Boredom I guess :-). I tuned my hallucination to only show me cartoon characters. I received a stream of different characters for a few minutes, changing about every second, like a slide show.

Conclusion

If you want to experience something truly weird, then trance out before you go to bed at night. Don’t have any expectations. Just trance out.

If you can keep your cool, then you’re bound to experience some strange hallucinations. It’s a lot of fun to play with. It’s also amazing the first couple of times, because the hallucinations seem very real, and if you’ve never experienced a hallucination, it can be shocking to see how clear a hallucination can be.

If you do it a lot, you may figure out how to take slight control over a hallucination, and tune it in a certain direction. It’s cool :-). No drugs necessary.

Have fun! If you have a question, feel free to ask in the comments.  Or if you’ve had a strange hallucination in the past, feel free to share as well :-).

So what are my lottery results thus far?

I started the lottery project in March.  It’s now August.  I’ve played 40 MegaMillion tickets, and a bunch of scratch off tickets.  Of the $40 spent on MegaMillions, I’ve won $10 (from my 4th and 5th ticket purchased).  All others have been losers.  I’ve spent $77 on scratch off tickets, and won $113.  If you do the math, that means my entire project is showing a profit of $6.  At it’s peak, it was boasting around a $70 profit… but that has slowly dwindled down.

My interest in the project wavers in and out - just like any project that takes prolonged effort.  I’m glad I made the rule to stop playing when the jackpot is under $45 million.  This allows me to take some time off and think about other things, and then approach it with new effort when it’s in my range.

My biggest winnings have come from the scratch off tickets.  I think the reason for this is because it’s simply easier :-P.  The ticket is already winning before I purchase it, and I can hone in on winning tickets.  MegaMillions is an entirely different game.  I must either predict the correct numbers, or force my numbers to come up.  I perceive this as a harder game.  Whether or not the game itself is objectively “harder” is unknown… all I know is that from my perspective, it is harder.

It might make sense to play more scratch off tickets, since that’s where I have more “luck”.  That’s just not what I want to do though.  Scratch offs don’t pay as much, and they are harder to measure from a mathematical standpoint.  They also toy with your emotion :-P.  Of course, maybe that’s a good thing..?

Which brings me to the most important observation: I have no clue what direction to move in.  Intention manifestation had the most results with the scratch off, but it didn’t really help with MegaMillions.  The only winnings I had in MegaMillions happened the two drawings after I came to the realization that randomness doesn’t exist.  So maybe I should attempt to have more realizations?  I try, but either my new realizations aren’t correct, or don’t help :-P.  I haven’t won :-P.

I don’t know how to gauge my progress.  I don’t know how to tell whether I’m not I’m moving in the correct direction.  For example - if your goal is to learn to play guitar, then it’s pretty easy to gauge your progress.  Listen to yourself play - do your fingers move faster?  Does it sound nicer?  Then you’re doing good.  However, with the lottery, it’s a little more tricky.  The only gauge I have is whether I win or not.  If I don’t win, then I can’t tell if what I did the few days before actually helped or not.  Maybe I’m moving in the correct direction, but I’m not winning because I haven’t moved far enough along?  Or maybe I’m way off base have to turn around?  I simply don’t know.

Or maybe I’m completely wrong, randomness does exist, and I’m doing all this for nothing :-|.  Naaa!

I’m going to keep trying.  It’s such a small investment that it would be silly to quit.  I literally pay for my tickets using a bucket of spare change.  So it’s not like I’m going broke over it :-P.

I like the project because it’s challenging.  It’s a good goal, and it’s forcing me to move in all directions to find a solution.  I’m not sure if a solution actually exists… but I’m learning a lot along the way, and I have nothing better to do… so no harm done.  And it’s fun.  I’ve become a better person in the process as well - I’ve been exercising regularly, I’ve learned how to compose music, and I try to have patience with my roommate’s cats :-).  It might seem unrelated on the surface, but when I say I’m moving in “all directions”, I mean it :-P.

I haven’t won the jackpot yet, though.  If a solution does exist, then I will find it.